Wednesday, July 18, 2007

A question of morality...

So my blogging thus far has been sporatic at best. I should do this more often since I have's summer and I don't have a whole lot to do since I quit my full time job. I hate restaurants, or at least working in them full time. I'm now just teaching fitness classes and living off of my student loan from last sememster. Probably not the smartest thing to do, but it keeps me sane.

So now I get to the title of my post...a question of morality. Let me give some background information:

So I've been dating someone for 2 months. It was going along very nicely, I thought he is the nicest guys I have dated (at least in a very long time). I was sitting pretty, just ready for this relationship to blossom. It blossomed quickly, on his terms, and it didn't take long for me to give in to his ways. This is how it always happens, but I wanted to trust this fellow. He's a nice guy. It will all work out, right?

Wrong. A few weeks ago, things started to change. I felt as though I went from priority one to the bottom of the list. Not good. After several intense conversations, there was still no resolve. I received an e-mail from him a week ago explaining a lot of things. It also had an invitation to talk about it more, but it also seemed to be a bit of a break-up e-mail. Yeah, I know. The worldwide web really sucks in the dating world. Unfortunately for me, this is not the first time this has happened.

So, I reply to his e-mail, accepting his invitation to talk. I was friendly. I was nice. I even said that I was happy that we had some time to think about the whole situation. I also called a few days later to just see how he is. The problem is, he hasn't made any effort to contact me since.

The reason why we aren't currently together is that he realized that he doesn't know how to be alone, hence the speedy courtship with me. He was ready to have someone, anyone there. He knew he had to change. I've been through this myself, and it's hard to go through. But it really is worth it in the end. I don't see this as a problem, it is what it is. My choice is how do I react to the situation? I choose to take the calm, peaceful route.

I have a sincere desire to talk to him for many reasons. To tell him that I respect what he's doing. That I really do want to be there for him, and I understand where he's coming from. That unlike the last time we talked, I feel like I am able to have a relationship with him while he's going through this. It would be a relationship of friendship for sure, because you can't exactly discover who you are alone if you're in a serious relationship. I feel like it would be such a waste to throw our friendship away because of this. Life isn't black and white.

So, it's been two weeks since I've seen him. I feel like he's no longer my boyfriend. But we haven't talked about it, so where do I stand? I understand that I need to give him space and I want to do that. But don't we need to have a conversation about our relationship and tie up loose strings? I've tried to contact him, but to no avail. I mean, I can't get all psycho and stalk his house. It's just not my style. And if he doesn't call me back, it's not my bad. I don't have the time to call him every day. Plus, that would be pretty psycho too.

I am emotionally detatching. I went on a casual date with someone else last night. It didn't feel wrong. We stayed up until 4am watching MTV and talking and laughing...but nothing else happened. I would have felt like that would have been wrong. Because even though I haven't talked to this other guy in two weeks, there seems to be some sort of thing in my head saying, "You have a boyfriend." But what kind of boyfriend is he? One that to date, hasn't called me in more than two weeks. And has said that he would. I just don't know what to do. I want to do the right thing. But what is the right thing to do here? I need to move on, weather or not homeboy is man enough to own up and work on salvaging our friendship. What to do....

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