Thursday, September 27, 2007

Avoid, avoid, avoid!

I'm such a procrastinator. I think it would do me a lot of good to have a computer without the Internet, so I could write papers for school without being tempted to do something blogging. ;) Oh well.

**Just now a wave of guilt so intense comes over me that I actually just opened up Microsoft Word. There's a start.**

When the summer started coming to an end, I was pretty sad about it. It was so fun to not do much of anything and relax for once, but now that I'm getting into the swing of things, I'm starting to enjoy the busier side of life.

First, it's good to work out at least twice a day. Sometimes it's 4-5 times per day, and that gets a little exhausting, but it's still fun. I feel kinda bad, but especially with spin classes, I'm learning how to fake it pretty well. I still work, but not nearly as hard as the days I have more energy. I especially have to do this on Wednesdays since I teach two spin classes in a day, plus two others. Generally my nutrition habits are getting better as well. I'm not sure if I will ever rid myself of the sweet tooth, though. :D

Some of my classes this semester are a total bummer. I think I will have to change my major, since I'm finding out that my initial declaration was made without much knowledge of the subject and a much different perspective. Switching to Exercise and Sport Science will be a good move. I'm on a good track either way, though. That's a good change for once!

I'm so glad and proud of my most recent 'epiphany' about relationships. I feel that for many reasons, too many to list at the moment, my ideas about relationships and how they work are coming to a realistic perspective. One that I can deal with in a healthy way. I thought about that a lot especially last night after seeing the movie Becoming Jane. It was a great movie, and I especially liked the ending. I guess I never thought about Jane Austen's perspective after reading her books and seeing the movies based on them. They all have such a fairytale quality to them that is so enchanting. But you know what? Jane never found that in real life. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, but one thing I do know is that I am a complete person right here, by myself, and on my own. The other is that I'm excited to meet the world with a brand new perspective of hope; for myself and for those around me.

It is definitely a good day. Now, back to homework. It's actually started, so I had better finish!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Being single...

So I've had a lot to think about lately, and it has had to do with my current status: single. Why is everyone my age married? Have I missed something? Or do I just live in the wrong city? Maybe I should just move to New York. If I complain about single status there, I'm certain someone would slap me across the face and tell me to get real. No one thinks about that stuff until you're at least 35. Apparently hillbilly-honkies like me do, I guess it could be due to the extreme cold in Wisconsin.

I feel like I have come to a realization, helped along by the aftermath of my last break-up. It was pretty bad, let's just say that. Bad enough that I just can't muster the energy to write about it. In past posts I'm pretty amazed with how I was able to write it off as something that wasn't that big of a deal to me, because it really was and still is in some ways.

The one thing I really learned this time is I've been in it for the wrong reasons for a long time. I've never been sincerely excited, or even in love with someone romantically. Period. I was excited and in love with the situation, not the person. Yes, I have cared deeply about the people I have dated (mostly) but I know I never got all the way to loving them unconditionally. There were always things I wanted to change, that were diabolical schemes for "later" when I gained more trust. How silly.

A lot of this stems from my religious background, and the fact I was raised to be a wife and mother, complete with lessons. So when I meet someone new, I somehow put them in this place where they don't belong...they might eventually, but just not yet. NOT FOR SAY, 5 YEARS. So instead of concentrating on the person, I concentrate on our situation and how great it is. And somehow I have been able to do this for a very long time without even realizing it. When a relationship is over, the history of it starts running through my mind, and I start thinking, "Why was I with this person in the first place? And why in the world did I think he was so incredible?" To me, it all stems from the fact that I was never concentrating on him, I was concentrating on US and how great that was.

With that in mind, I want to make sure that I keep up with my new realization, but I'm not sure where to start. A lifetime of one very whacked-out perspective might be a little difficult to break. I guess I just start with one day at a time?

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Another day...

Another weekend out of the way...and I wasn't as productive as I meant to usual. I guess I do the best that I can.

The band had a show on Friday night and it went well over all. It gets more and more fun as the shows go on, so that's really exciting. I feel so good being able to share with others something that I enjoy, and something that I'm good at. That's lucky.

It's hard to keep up with the studying, socializing and trying to keep time for myself. Even though it's nice to have time to just chill by myself on the weekends, I have to admit that I get lonely sometimes; more than usual. Yesterday I went to breakfast by myself and tried to enjoy it. I tell you, I'm trying to have fun with this alone time, but I've had so much of it, I'm not sure how long I can last. It feels like I'm going through some third-life crisis and my biological clock is ticking...except instead of wanting kids, I'm severely craving companionship. I know that I said in earlier posts I'm not trying to date right now, but it feels like it's all I want to do. This urge continues to grow stronger, and I'm not sure of what to do. By tomorrow, I'll be too busy to worry about any of this, so I guess that's a good thing. Should I start building an even busier schedule during the weekends so I can keep my mind off it? At least I wouldn't have it on my mind...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

A quick minute...

I have a second to update...that's amazing!

A quick update for everyone:

1. I'm teaching fitness classes for the county Jail. Weird, I know. I had my first class and it went well...we did a boot camp style class and it ended up kicking my butt too!

2. After teaching several classes (including boot camp) I taught Salsa dancing. In high heels. I could barely walk the next day, but I really think it was worth it. I had such a great time, and the margarita I had after dancing was the most delicious margarita I have ever had.

3. I'm somehow keeping up pretty well with work and school. I'm kinda tired, but have been able to get to bed at a decent hour so...things are looking well so far!

4. Nothing is really going on in my personal life...aside from having fabulous friends. You know who you are. And that's just the way I want it to be!

So friends, I hope you have a great day. I tried to post a tacky, glittery image on to my blog to help show how much I mean it, but it didn't work. :p

Monday, September 10, 2007

Woah, Nelly!

Wow, it's been a while since I wrote. There's a good reason, I swear...I've been completely out of my mind busy since the Labor Day weekend.

Here are a few updates on what's been going on in my little world:

Professional I am now teaching 15-17 fitness classes a week. I team teach a few classes at the Y, so that's why there's a variation. Included in that is teaching 2 hours per week at the local jail. Creepy? Maybe. But the pay is good, and I do believe that everyone has the right to learn new ways to be healthy. Hopefully this will work out. It's a new program and I'm excited to be involved.

Academic School is back in session and it's going to be a long haul this semester. I will be needing to read and memorize a whole lot, which is much more labor intensive than spring. Hopefully cutting out my waitressing job will help keep me focused. I'm crossing my fingers.

Personal I'm taking a break from the social scene, especially dating. I have had some pretty bad experiences out here, and it all came to a head last weekend. Let me paint the picture for you: I'm out with my friends to see a band, and I've met a cool new guy. Suddenly, every single person I have been involved with since I moved here, were at the same place AT THE SAME TIME. It was not comfortable. At all. And there was drama. Not caused by me, might I add, but there was still drama, and I don't like it. So no dating for now. I don't have the time or patience for it, especially the attitude. I never thought I would meet people even more commitment-phobic than me, but in my hometown, I guess it comes with the territory.

Creative The band is chugging along. I went to see Reel Big Fish Labor Day weekend, and the show was a blast. Not only did I have fun, but I learned a lot from that band and the others that played before them. It gave me a lot of new ideas for showmanship that I really need. I'm excited to keep working on that.

I will try to keep this updated as well as I can, but I can't make any guarantees at this point. My vacation is over and it's time to get back to business!