Don't you hate it when you realize that something is bothering you...after it has been for a long time? That's how I've been feeling for the past few days.
After my sister's mental breakdown over a year ago, I sought counseling since the circumstances were difficult for me to deal with. The counselor I saw was awesome, and helped me a lot. I guess I thought it was all I needed, and the effects of the situation were over, but I was wrong.
The thing is, I completely lost my best friend. That one person that I could tell anything to, and would feel zero judgment. The one that was always there. Since this whole ordeal, this void has slowly been effecting my relationships with others; I am constanly seeking a replacement and placing people in a position where they don't belong. I had expected everything to get back to normal, but this will effect our relationship for the rest of our lives. The medication she needs to maintain a normal life keeps her emotionally distant, and emotions in general are difficult to express. The vibrance she used to show is quelled, and I understand it is for the best since her lows were just as, or even more extreme.
Now that I udnerstand this, it's hard to figure out where to go next. I am in the process of re-evaluating many of my friendships and a romantic relationship that began a few months ago. You have to begin somewhere, right? Wish me luck. Hopefully I won't cry so much tomorrow. (It doesn't help that I'm PMSing rigt now either!)
I know this is a generally sad post, but I felt a need to get things out. I'm okay, believe me. Just a little stressed and emotional...sounds like a busy student! :p