For those of you that don't know my guilty pleasures of the past, blogging has been one of those and I've felt the itch of the online puke-whats-in-your-head type of communication that has been so enjoyable for me during other times, so here goes.
I love the television show "The Office". I love it so much, I've decided to write my own version. Some of the characters are based from experience, usually mine, unless I hear an unbeatable story. I always ask before committing perjury, honest.
The beginning is definitely devoted to introductions:
There's me, of course. I work for a non-profit. I will refer to myself as, um.....me, or I or whatever else I deem applicable. It should pan out just fine as so far, I have determined I am not schizophrenic (and other psychiatric evaluations I have had in my lifetime also come to this same conclusion).
DD (Aka: Double D): This has nothing to do with her breast size, although I think it's funny to refer to the CEO as DD. She's a buttoned-up democrat, and the spawn of Satan. She gives me nasty looks whenever I see her. Actually, she gives nasty looks to everyone that she comes across. It's her job as the spawn of Satan. She does very well as a buttoned-up democrat, and that's a difficult thing to do. Also, I am often told to dress like DD. If I had a paycheck the size of hers, I would be more than happy to spend it at Nordstrom on shoes and fancy suits. But since I only earn a measly $32,000 annually compared to her $100,000, I digress.
The Renegade: Another woman I have to work with. She actually refers to herself as "The Renegade" in meetings on occasion, so I am compelled to use this term for this Lexus/Audi driving, diarrhea mouthed moron that is in charge of blabbing to rich people. She doesn't even kiss any ass so she's pretty much useless in a non-profit setting. I feel that she should spend her time dancing to Madonna and making sure her trust is in order, but what the fuck do I know? I haven't been around here for even a year.
Anxiety Alice: This is the person that I have the love/hate relationship with. Sometimes she's a total snob, sometimes she is my best friend. All I know is, she takes all the credit. I'll just refer to her as Alice since I'm lazy and would never type that much over and over, especially for her.
Pregnant Paradise (PP): She's been really nice to me, and I'm surprised because at first, she seemed like a super-duper-mormon. Go figure.
Molly Mormon (MM): She lives just like all typical mormons, where they're good, but they're not nice. I'll get to her when I have a good hour to rant. I think she's a first class bitch, but I would most certainly never deny her shoe collection if anyone offered. I have been denying myself of the appropriate amount of shoes lately, and I'm feeling a little crazy because of it.
Oh, I like her, shes nice! (Nice): One of my co-workers that is always nice. She's a walking oxy-moron because shes mormon. Go figure. No matter how hard I try, there's never anything negative to say about her. (I'm biased against mormons.)
I..........like bikes!!!!!! (Biker): Is my direct supervisor. He's almost as forgetful as my brother-in-law, which is pretty bad. I would still like to think he means well, so for the most part, I don't have anything funny to say about him.
Prodigy: She's my direct supervisor's boss. She shops with DD. Even though I don't have any reasonable excuse to be wary, I still am. She and DD have the same shoes. I'm not a part of the club since I don't make enough goddamn money, so I feel left out. Wait, I could not eat for a week and buy the lovely shoes. But I love food too much. Moving on.....
Friend: I refer to her as friend because that's what we call each other." Hi, Friend!" Is what we always say. I trust her. I like to laugh with her. She's great.
Princess: I refer to her as princess since she is one, but I mean it in the nicest way possible. We roll our eyes together well and gossip about celebrities often. Frequently, she brightens my day with one word, "Babe."
Texas: A Texas lady all the way. She’s sweet, sassy, and great to be around.
Lady: The token gay guy in our office. He’s a crazy driver, always gets lost, and always wears his collar up. In reference to meeting important people, he believes it is in his best interest to say, “Haaaaay!” (think flaming gay here) and run his index finger down your arm. And yes, he’s a total bitch.
Beers!: The event planner. She’s fun, always has the scoop on what’s going on, but she’s also tricky. The scoop may be on you. Oh, and she loves cheap beer.
Ninja: The computer guy that is totally like the cool dudes in college you hung out with (and when you went to college in the 90's, like I did, guys, especially guys that were your friends were called 'dudes.' So...I've just dated myself...it could be much worse.