Saturday, December 13, 2008

You wanna know why? I'll tell you why.

So...I have been avoiding this specific situation for a long time. Ever since I moved back home, I have generally avoided most of the church members in the area. Since I don't want to be saved or be a project, I thought it would be best for everyone involved to just not go there. Well, some old friends invited me specifically to a Christmas party, and my parents assumed that I wouldn't be interested. They still told me about it, and after some thought, I decided to go. The majority of the individuals there were people that I grew up with, that I loved, respected and looked up to. It seemed to make sense at the time to go.

My parents and I went together, and when they saw what I was wearing, they freaked out. Apparently, my shirt was "just too much action since the crowd is older, they're just not used to seeing that kind of thing." Give me a break. I don't hang out of anything, a) because I don't think a b-cup could really 'hang' out, and b) I just don't wear clothes like that. Sure, it is a v-neck top, but I had a tank underneath it, and everything was tasteful. My mother brought out a cable-knit, crew neck sweater for me to wear instead. Thanks guys. Glad to know you appreciate your daughter for who she is.

At first, the party was great! I was able to catch up with so many people from my past, the ones who still loved me when I was an annoying teenager. But...Nothing gets me down more than a conservative, closed-minded asshole. I was apprehensive of the Mormon party because of people like this, and this time, I was totally right. Everything was great until the white elephant gift exchange. Naturally, I got picked last, and the present that was left were a buch of these ads that Mormons have put together for their youth. I included a couple of examples:

Everybody laughed, including me. Just my luck, the only non-Mormon in the room gets the MormonAds. Then, some dude I don't even know decides to say this, "Hey, look how things work out so well. The person that needs these the most got them!" Ok, man. I took it in stride. I was able to laugh about it, but why do you have to go on making comments about it? Then, when people were switching gifts, he kept on saying, "Hey. Don't take those from her. She needs them!" Just shut the fuck up, won't you? Because it was only funny when EVERYONE ELSE WAS LAUGHING.

When it was my turn to switch, I picked a lampshade. The largest lampshade I have ever seen. Not to be outdone, captain dipshit had something to say about that too. "Hey, I wanna see you out at New Years wearing that lampshade on your head while you're PARTYING!!" "New Years eve, you'll be PARTYING it up with that lampshade on your head!" Again, no one's laughing so SHUT YOUR DIRTY MOUTH.

Why does this make me so angry? I'll tell you why. Don't assume you know anything about me because you know one measly fact about my religious status. So I'm not Mormon. That must mean I need help guidance from an ad campaign your religion started for your promiscuous, bratty teenagers. And that also must mean that I "party hard", and need lampshades to make drunken escapades that much more spectacular. Really. Thanks for the vote of confidence. You really have me pegged.

So that's why I generally stay away from Mormons and their activities. Because unless I know them personally, most Mormons usually PISS ME OFF.


Jackie B. said...

Wow, what a jerk! I am so sorry. I love you just the way you are!!!

nic said...

I agree with Jackie! but jerk just isn't strong enough! And I LOVE YOU too! (not that there will ever be, but) next time you should take a big fat bottle of something and not that you have to open it, but bash him upside the head when he opens his mouth. thats what i would want to do!
love ya!

nic said...

oh and like i always told eliza... (on the many times she wanted to kill jessica - but when did any of us not want to kill her?) "Even if a cow like Karianne poops on your head, I'll still be your friend!" (I used Karianne because she was sitting right there doing her homework) Love you though and be the best you that you can be!!!!!